NOURRITURE - Partie Deux. Les Anglais.

When it comes to dining, we are not a nation of dog lovers. That's North Korea. In the main, we are a nation of Chicken lovers (Gallus Domesticus). We love Chicken Curries, Chicken Kievs, Southern Fried Chicken, Chicken McNuggets, Chicken Fajitas, Chicken Viennese, Tandoori Chicken, Chicken Chow Mein, Chicken Tonight, Caesar Salad, Chicken Nicoise... We can't get enough chicken. Notice though, that all the above are imported ideas - even Chicken Tonight (USA 1990). Generally, we are not culinary ambassadors in this country. Traditionally, we excel in other disciplines like Wigmaking, Thatching and Morris Dancing.

FKFC

Acrylic on canvas and software.

Faced with all these classic international Chicken dishes, we needed our own very British alternatives to put us back on the world map of fine dining. We answered the world loudly with Ginster's Chicken Slice and Spicy Chicken Pot Noodle. Wherever you go beyond the UK, you will not find these foods. The technology and skills (and desire) to recreate these dishes simply do not exist beyond these shores. To make the task even more daunting for any would be pretenders, we the British, managed to create these dishes without actually putting any chicken in them, thus saving much of our vast chicken population to be rendered down into chicken flavouring for much needed crisps, gravy granules and stock cubes to help fight TWAT - The War Against Terrorism.



Spit Roast

Acrylic on canvas

Similarly, the humble egg has been turned into some marvellously diverse dishes worldwide. Eggs Benedict, Spanish Omelette, Frittata, Quiche, Shakshooka, Devilled Eggs, Eggs Florentine, Ouvo Rancheros, Eggs Mimosa etc. A lot of fannying around frankly, so we British invented Egg and Chips, Pickled Egg - and even found a way to grow one in a pork pie. Again these foods are beyond the scope and palate of non native chefs. They are exclusive to this nation and the direct impact on the influx of international tourism is still unclear.



The Four Dollar Option

Acrylic on canvas

 It should come as no surprise that we do not like to copy French food except for Coleman's powdered Chicken Chasseur and French Mustard. We never open them... They just sit there in the cupboard and are four years out of date. Our problem with the French is that we are still piqued that they invented Berets and French Loafs. The French loaf was actually invented by accident. Little did they know that it could be used elsewhere in the world to create two 12" hotdogs or Billy Bear Ham Baguettes. Philistines. And they think they practically invented Haute Cuisine and Cordon Bleu... Well they haven't fucking tasted Findus Chicken Curry Crispy Pancakes yet! A food with real panache. A pièce de résistance...A dish invented here and exclusively made for us under license by a Swedish food giant using the best ingredients available. Have the French got such a culturally eclectic culinary equivalent? Have they bolleaux.

Kim Jong Il - 2

Acrylic on canvas and software

All artwork copyright Rob Kirbyson.

Service is not included.