Rob Kirbyson: October 2008

If you are reading this, you are The Resistance.

This will be posted in the past on 14.10.2008. I wasn't going to write this blog but circumstances almost demanded it. My strange story starts with a guy with a funny name with a daft idea...
This old guy called Gentill Abdulla mailed me (Google that). It was a mindfuck frankly. He had cracked Time Travel and had met me in 1986 after reading about me in 2066. He had met me in a pub in Southsea - Hampshire (The
Taswell Arms) and told me we would meet again in years to come... I had long dismissed the incident... until he contacted me. At first I was a little sceptical. I mused over his mail many times.

He knew a lot about me. He knew my Grandpa was a motorbike racing champion. He knew I had won a Kelloggs colouring competition in 1973 and that the prize was a huge pack of felt tipped pens. He knew stuff only Jonathan King would know...

Percy Kirbyson on an Indian Scout circa 1932.

Taken near Girsaeter, Hedmark Fylke, Norway.

My colouring entry. Tom and Jerry.

He also knew I'd been presented with a Blue Peter badge. Actually, the way I earned that badge is quite character forming. I had a huge adolescent sexual crush on Blue Peter presenter Lesley Judd. Ironically I didn't win the badge for masturbation. No, I won it for collecting foil milk bottle tops. It was my carnal desire for Lesley that made me pursue this idle pursuit so vigourously (collecting the milk bottle tops, not the masturbation). I visualised strongly, winning a Blue Peter badge and conjoured up a Blue Skies scenario where I was laying naked next to Lesley, savouring a huge Martini Rosso and an apres shag Gitanes. I got the badge but my fantasy was not played out in real life. I was clearly not old enough for Lesley. I was gutted. It was at this point that I wished I could travel in time and return as a 16 year old... My interest in the possibilities of time travel had been ignited, albeit with the selfish goal of having a chance to have some kind of sexual congress with Lesley Judd. I attach a Polaroid taken by a stage assistant during filming. The heightened sexual tension is clearly visible between the two of us.

Nearly all the UK's kids collected foil tops for six months and sent them in to Blue Peter. They were eventually melted down into one aluminium ingot and weighed in. With the money raised, Blue Peter managed to buy a vacuum cleaner for a woman with no legs in Basingstoke. It was State - Of - The - Art and had a light in the front so you could vacuum in the dark. This filled me with a sense of redemption, following a past childhood faux pas wherein I burned an old woman's house down with a huge firework rocket I fired through her living room window. In my defence, I didn't think it would really hit her in the face from so far away. Anyway, Abdulla knew all this and more from my Biography and police records. As Abdulla says, 'Do the research.'

He maintained that some of the things I will write in this blog are historical facts from the future that will have not happened yet. Like memories in reverse. Memories of things that happened in his past and my future. I was super curious. His words hung in my mind like a dream you can't shake since you were a kid... like the one with the mouse.

He knew I'd kept hitting on his website (it isn't built yet...it is built in 2009). It all gets confusing. He knew that I was interested in the idea of time travel and he knew that I'd written a bizarre film manuscript about it entitled 'Bean
Machine' back in 1997. I didn't realise it at the time but he knew this from reading this blog... the manuscript now exists only in my head. Paper copies and the original are long lost or died on a failed hard disk... Like I said it's either confusing or I'm just imagining it. After a few weeks.... (back soon)

I mailed him back. This in itself was problematic....he has a Starbucks email account. They take over Yahoo in 2018... I expected nothing, Nada: Fuck all.....thinking my email would sit there for nine years... Reading this blog he picked it up within hours even though nobody had read it for seven years, it was still in Cyberspace like a piece of rusting junk on a Bulgarian server. He said he would meet me in the Taswell Arms again at 3pm January the 7th 2012..... But he also gave me some 'evidence'...'facts'... For what it's worth, I'll divulge them here, as advised...

Norman Wisdom , Born 4.2.15

Sadly, household names Norman Wisdom, Claire Rayner, Alexander McQueen and the great Dennis Hopper will die... Sad news if this unfolds to be true. On a more bizarre note Gentill tells me there will be a Lib Dem deputy Prime Minister in the UK, George Michael will be imprisoned and a new range of Halal Pot Noodle will substitute the existing 2008 range to boost the product after the politically inspired decision to withdraw the Seedy Sanchez and the Bombay Bad Boy. Heinz will also withdraw the Tom & Jerry pasta shapes.

In 2012, Margaret Thatcher, Robert Mugabe, Charles Manson and Jimmy Saville will die. Not all good news though... Fray Bentos go bust, White Lightning is dropped to 3% ABV, Showaddywaddy make their second studio album and the Chinese start making pork pies. They even put pork in. Fuck's sake... The Findus French Bread Pizza is phased out in 2012 also, due to pressure from the Italians and French flexing their muscles through EU regulations. I may start investigating the food industry. It drives me to fucking distraction.